HUMOR – One truck, two roads

My husband and I have a new baby. Not really. What we have is a new truck, or rather a gently used truck. But it may as well be a new baby the way we treat it. And by “we” I mean “he.”

We see automobiles very differently. I admit that I’ve named mine. And that I talk to it and pat its dashboard when it’s done a good job. But when I’m not in it, I hardly give it a thought. As much as I like it, my car is just a way to get me places that are too far to walk to. 

He hasn’t said so, but I think my spouse sees vehicles as toys—the kind you collect all 500 of. If we ever win the lottery, we’ll need a football field for all of the vehicles he’d buy. As it is, all we need is a garage. But I don’t buy lottery tickets because I’m afraid I’ll win.

What we look for in a new vehicle is different too. His vehicle must be tough enough to pull our little camper. It should get good gas mileage and it should have plenty of get up and go. That’s all very reasonable. But he also likes a vehicle that’s fun to drive. At least that’s what he says. But I can’t think of a single vehicle he wouldn’t think was fun to drive, from Lamborghini to go cart to horse and buggy.

The new truck, a Toyota Tacoma, is apparently fun to drive—more fun than a go cart, but probably not as fun as a Lamborghini. It also has some high-tech features he likes. For example, it beeps when it crosses the centerline. This is handy if you doze off when you’re driving. But dozing off while he drives is one of the things I like best about traveling and the beeping wakes me up.    

In fact, one of the things I look for in a vehicle is how comfortable it is to nap in—when he’s driving, I mean. I try not to nap when I’m driving.

I also like a good radio and heated seats. I like my backside to be as warm in the summer when he turns the air conditioner up as it is in the winter when he turns the heat down. His new truck doesn’t have bun warmers which is a strike against it. But it does have a backup camera which I appreciate in a vehicle. So does everyone who parks behind me.

At this point in his relationship with his new truck, my husband drives it more often than is necessary, keeps it clean and parks far from everyone else to avoid door dings.

I don’t suffer from door-ding dread when I have a new vehicle. Someone once plowed into the side of my new-to-me car and left the scene. I couldn’t even open the driver’s side door. Door dings don’t seem like a big deal after you’ve had to decide whether to pay your insurance deductible or your tax and license first.

And I don’t drive any more when I have a new vehicle than I would have if I still had the old one. If it’s still clean, that’s only because I haven’t driven it much yet.

I certainly don’t think about my vehicle when we’re apart. On the other hand, on a recent road trip in my car, my husband commented that he couldn’t wait to get home and drive his new truck. I couldn’t wait to get home and see our cat. 

Dorothy Rosby is the author of ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate; Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand and other books. Contact her at