Words have the power to evoke a wide range of emotions. Certain words or phrases can trigger feelings of joy, sadness, anger, fear, or love. Understanding how language is linked to emotions can help us navigate social interactions and express ourselves more effectively. Words have the power to uplift or demoralize. Positive words have the potential to inspire hope, encourage resilience, and foster happiness. Conversely, negative words can evoke despair, anxiety, frustration, or worthlessness.
Dr. John Gottman, the founder of the Love Lab at the University of Washington and relationship expert, opines that for every negative word uttered, there needs to be 5 affirmative words said to restore the relationship. Criticism wears us down, but affirmations encourage us. When negative interactions outweigh the positive ones, it may be hard to recall the positive qualities of an intimate relationship. Successful intimate relationships have a balance between positive and negative feelings and actions between partners. Healthy, satisfied couples share more positive words and actions than negative ones. Partners who criticize each other, provide constant negative feedback, are not supportive of each other, do not demonstrate affection or appreciation, or are uninterested in their partner are in relationships that are out of balance and unhealthy.
The words we use, both internally and externally, can significantly influence our mental well-being. Negative self-talk, for instance, can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness, while self-compassion and positive reinforcement can nurture self-acceptance and resilience. Choosing our words with empathy and sensitivity can deepen our connections with others.
Learning the 5 to 1 ratio of positive affirmations to every negative word was a game changer for me. I realized that I needed to stay away from those who would stay in a negative space and use words flippantly with the attitude of being helpful (corrective criticism). Additionally, when my husband and I get sideways and emotions run high, I ask for a time-out because if we say negative words in the heat of battle, we are going to have a lot of work to do (5:1) to restore and repair the relationship.
Because words have power. We need to take a breath and be intentional with the words we are going to say and how we are going to say them. By cultivating mindfulness in our speech, we can foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts peacefully, and promote emotional well-being.
A strategy for keeping affirming words in our relationships is writing down all the positive qualities of our partner, children, family members, colleagues, or neighbors. Think about these words with intentionality and appreciation for having these wonderful people around you. When and if a conflict arises, state your concerns without the emotional drama, and wrap up the conflict with positive affirmations such as “Thank you for listening to my rant, and not responding negatively to what I just told you. I so appreciate your patience.” Words are singularly the most powerful force available. We can choose to use the power of words to edify one another. joneen@narme.org