Children have always exhibited behaviors that frustrate adults. Parents repeatedly say the same things to their children, reminding them to brush their teeth, make their beds, do their homework, and be polite. When children enter adolescence, other messages about being responsible and making wise choices become the parents’ mantra. If children do not heed this parental advice, school officials and sometimes even law enforcement need to get involved to keep these developing humans on the pathway toward becoming a positive force for social good.
Unfortunately, more and more children are not receiving consistent messages about character and virtue. They are left to their own devices because of fractured or never-formed families. Adults who have given birth or sired these children are in survival mode themselves, perhaps healing from the trauma they accumulated from their upbringing. It is not an exaggeration to declare that when families fail, the government grows.
The family, far more than the government or schools, is the soil in which we grow. When raising our four children, their dad and I were THE Department of Education, THE Department of Health and Human Services, and THE Department of Corrections. Civilizing these young ones was our primary responsibility. It was all-consuming, laborious, and challenging. However, the investment was worth it. Cultivating the rich soil and combining it with fierce love and calm discipline are the essential elements of legacy and connection. Family structure matters as we seek answers to many of our social challenges.
It shouldn’t surprise anyone that family structure is controversial. If one talks about marriage, never married, divorced, or single parents might be offended. Why should the government support marriage and family structure? Dr. Brad Wilcox, a nationally acclaimed social science researcher, found that states with more married parents do better on a broad range of economic indicators, including upward mobility for poor children and lower child poverty rates. On most economic indicators, the Washington Post summarized, “the share of parents who are married in a state is a better predictor of that state’s economic health than the racial composition and educational attainment of the state’s residents.”
Children living with their married biological parents consistently have better physical, emotional, and academic well-being. Sending educational resources back to the states and making marriage and family well-being a national priority will significantly increase educational outcomes.
Healthy marriages and safe and stable families are pillars of a secure, upwardly mobile society. We must develop an attitude of curiosity and courage to explore the robust and plentiful data that outlines this. Policymakers, teachers, and influencers must share this research as a primary prevention strategy and a way to turn this sizeable cultural ship around to reduce poverty, crime, violence, substance abuse, homelessness, depression, and isolation.
To save taxpayer dollars and shrink government, we must stop looking to the government to save us and demand that leaders prioritize public policy and funding to help strengthen marriage and family while they are also setting priorities for economic development and national security.
A healthy, married, connected family with rich, loving, supportive relationships should be part of the strategy to save the nation. joneen@narme.org