Her 6-year-old son said, “What the heck?” Mom responded gently, but firmly, “David, do not use coarse language, Honey.” I was in the hotel elevator listening and was so moved by this verbal exchange between a mom and her son, I thanked her. She was a bit surprised. I said, “Sometimes the words we use are so harsh, and no one seems to care or notice. By giving your son direction about this seemingly innocent statement, he will become sensitive to coarseness and will be mindful to regulate his speech. I bet he will remember your words and will grow to be a kinder and gentler person.“ She was so interested in my gratitude; she asked me about what I do. When I told her I train teachers to teach young people relationship development skills and social and emotional competencies, she wanted to continue the conversation. Being in a hurry to get to my training at the University, I gave her my business card and asked her to connect with me. These are the kind of conversations I have frequently when I travel and train.
Conversely, I was visiting a relative who has two children 8 years old and under. The television was on the whole time with either inappropriate video games that are violent and filled with coarse language, scary ghoulish content, and outright swearing. I could no longer stay silent and said, “There are children that are hearing this.” It was stunning how the parents were not even aware of what their children were exposed to. Breathe!
The coarse culture, the normalization of sexualized content, decriminalization of drugs, the uncoupling of marriage and childbearing, cohabitation, divorce, bullying, violence, crime, road rage, smash and grabs, lack of emotional intelligence or social and cultural norms as well as the ubiquitous nature of cell phones and electronic devices are making us all less kind and unaware of how desensitized we have become. We have become so used to a constant diet of brutal images; we can no longer see what it is doing to us. Our emotional health is suffering as we become numb to all this bombardment. We have become the frog in the pot.
This is too big for us. Many have experienced a loss of hope. This is just the way it is. We are emotionally exhausted and disillusioned with systems that are supposed to monitor and maintain certain paradigms of character and virtue.
To prevent / address the dulling of our senses to the coarseness of our culture, it can be helpful to think about what we are watching, what we accept, what we need to set boundaries around and how we act with others. If we became dedicated to surrounding ourselves with beauty, kindness, character, integrity, honor, and goodness, we will no longer accept the mediocrity and crassness of the culture. It starts with us, our parenting, our families, and our workplaces. If many did this, it would have a ripple effect. Perhaps our language and behavior will become less coarse and become filled with goodness and kindness, honoring our collective humanity. joneen@myrelationshipcenter.org