For Spring Break, there is a cultural norm around young people traveling to beaches to drink or drug to excess and sleep with as many people as possible. Does this behavior meet a human need without consequence, or does it amplify the dehumanization of one another seeking pleasure over personhood? Do these behaviors signify that we have positively evolved?
Joseph Unwin, a British anthropologist at Oxford University, conducted a massive study of 6 significant civilizations and 80 lesser societies covering 5,000 years of history. He set out expecting to find evidence supporting Sigmund Freud’s theory that civilizations are essentially neurotic and destroy themselves by restricting sexual expression. The evidence he discovered pointed exactly to opposite conclusions. What Unwin discovered was the link between cultural achievement and sexual restraint. The results of this research are penned in his 1934 book, Sex and Culture.
As a curious observer, I would agree. Working with adolescents and emerging adults, I watch as they spin out of control with drugs, alcohol, depression, suicidal ideation, multiple sexual partners, academic underachievement, lack of focus, and malaise.
Massive sexual scandals in Hollywood, the corporate world, politics, and religion in our neighborhoods and families are not new. When we, as a culture, feed what is natural, like a strong sex drive, with no limits, the result is not favorable. It is like going to a buffet line when hungry. There are too many choices, making it challenging to make healthy decisions.
Behavioral restraint is not seen as a virtue. It is not something we teach, admire, or highlight in the public square. Choice and variety is our right. College students are expected to party, drink, and hook up. The rich and famous are expected to have it all. High school students are expected to experiment with sex as part of their rite of passage into adulthood. If they have condoms and consent, all is well with the world.
What if we taught the skills to incorporate behavioral restraint, love, fidelity, commitment, the value of marriage and family, character, resiliency, leadership, relationship development, etiquette, grooming, kindness, compassion, tolerance, gratitude, and empathy?
This generation is longing for this. Recently, I was facilitating a training on the REAL (Relationship Education and Leadership) Essentials Curriculum at the University of Texas. The director of the Texas Teen Pregnancy Prevention Program asked me to tell the story of what happened when I was the contracted speaker at a teen pregnant and parenting group home years earlier.
When I arrived at the group home, the gals did everything they could to sabotage the one-hour presentation. They were talking, and their babies were crying. It was pure chaos. I did not say a word for 55 minutes. The babies were finally asleep, and the girls, curious as to why I was still there, sat quietly and attentively. I asked, “How many of you are being loved well by your baby’s daddy?” “How would you like to learn skills to fill your heart and get what you long for?” They were all in. They were ready to learn about life and love and were ready for a new sexual revolution, shifting the focus from sex to healthy relationships and committed love. Are we? joneen@narme.org