If asked, “What do you want out of life?” most people would say health, happiness, a great job, family, friends, a lovely house in a vibrant community, and success. These answers are expected. A more interesting thought-provoking question is, “For what are you willing to struggle?”
Of course, everyone wants a fantastic job and financial independence. Still, not everyone is willing to struggle through 60-hour work weeks, weekend obligations in the office, long commutes, piles of paperwork, or working with people who are mediocre at best. Individuals want financial security and the rewards that come with hard work, preparation, education, training, sacrifice, and delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.
The next level of wealth accumulation could be the desire to start a business. One does not become a successful entrepreneur without tremendous risk, sacrifice, uncertainty, working insane hours, and repeated failures with no guarantee of success.
Most want an awesome relationship, but not everyone is willing to endure the tough conversations, awkward silences, hurt feelings, swallowing of pride, give-and-take, forgiveness and grace, and emotional dramas that vibrant and healthy relationships require.
Most want to be fit, strong, and healthy, but no one becomes fit, strong, and healthy without the discipline of hitting the gym, tolerating sweat and soreness, and doing early morning workouts. Not many are willing to intentionally calibrate the food they eat and deny themselves the pleasures of sugar-laden, high-calorie foods.
Some might want to be a famous musician or sports superstar. This does not happen without years of lessons, coaching, and practice. Thinking of screaming fans is great, but all this is a fantasy if one is unwilling to put up with the drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a gig and rehearsals, hauling speakers and equipment, not getting paid, and… and… and.
At the core of our common humanity, our needs are more alike than different. Positive experiences are easy to handle. Our negative experiences and obstacles require struggle, grit, resolve, and tenacity. What we experience in life is not determined by the good we desire but by what we are willing to sustain and work toward to get over the difficulties and intense feelings to overcome the negative. This is the process required to get to the reward of what we desperately want.
What determines success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” but rather, “What pain or struggle are you willing to endure?”
Many are in love with the results of a great job, financial security, a robust relationship, fitness and health, and being a musical rockstar or superstar, but they are not dedicated to the process of what it takes to get there.
Even as we travel to beautiful places, not every experience is without hassle or unmet expectations. What my husband and I agreed on was that we were going to be adventure seekers and creative problem solvers. We are going to make the best of anything that unfolds. That is the attitude of resilience and grit.
The question remains, “For what are you willing to struggle?” Answering this question reveals the cry of our hearts. Once we know what we want and go after it with reckless abandon, knowing that this will require blood, sweat, and tears, there will be a sweet reward for a struggle worth pursuing. joneen@narme.org