During the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s, feminist activism, richly diverse in the women involved and its aims, tone, and strategies, exploded in the United States, forever changing society by expanding women’s rights and opportunities. At the center of everything that the women’s liberation movement achieved was gender equality, legal reforms, women’s empowerment, awareness and education, and social and cultural change. As a woman, I embrace these changes. I am, however, concerned about how radical this has become and what damage it has caused to the family, children, communities, and the nation.
I thought the women’s movement was supposed to increase women’s choices. With the recent firestorm and outrage regarding Harrison Butker’s speech at a private Catholic University, speaking from his own life experience about how much he admires women for getting an education, making lofty career choices, and also looking forward to falling in love, getting married, and having children, I am perplexed. He honored his wife for choosing to be a mother, wife, and homemaker.
Why do these words warrant this animosity, backlash, and threats of distancing and dismissal? Is Harrison Butker out of touch when he said, “To the gentlemen here today: Part of what plagues our society is this lie that has been told to you that men are not necessary in the home or our communities. As men, we set the tone of the culture, and when that is absent, disorder, dysfunction, and chaos set in. This absence of men in the home is what plays a large role in the violence we see all around the nation.”
What Butker said is true and is aligned with research. Father-absence is a huge social issue. Children’s hearts are broken, adverse childhood experiences and trauma are at epidemic proportions, and mental health issues are out of control. Often women have not been treated well by men, and our country is paying the price. Gloria Steinem, a feminist activist, once opined, “Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle.” Fani Willis declared, “A man is not a plan.” As a woman, I do not need a man, but my children do need a father. I adore having a man who is committed to me as my partner. Having someone to travel, love on our kids and grandkids, and do life with is an amazing gift.
Butker may be a football player, but he is no “dummy.” He knows his research. The General Social Survey, 2014-2018, proves that married men and women are markedly happier than their unmarried peers. Several studies show that married men and women are twice as likely to be happy with their lives compared to their unmarried peers.
In Dr. Brad Wilcox’s new book, Get Married, science outlines that marriage is a much more powerful predictor of happiness than two other factors that many young adults think will bring them happiness: work and money.
Women can do it all: career, motherhood, and more. Some choose not to try to do it all at once, and others excel at doing both. That is what this is all about. We have the right to choose, and Butker has the right to express his opinions. The crazy negative reactions showcase that we have gone too far. joneen@narme.org