Finding time to connect with adult children can be challenging when everyone goes a million miles an hour. Meaningful interactions can easily take a back seat to demanding careers, personal commitments, raising children, and the constant buzz of technology. However, fostering strong relationships with adult children and grandchildren is essential for maintaining family ties and creating lasting memories. When I was growing up, we had lingering Sunday family dinners with the entire family. After dinner, we played cards or games and enjoyed hours of stories. Those days are gone. Many of our adult children live scattered around the country. Even if they live close by, they are too busy to linger.
Family ties and time together are valuable, even with all these societal changes. It is essential to try to check in regularly with our adult children. Phone calls, video chats, and regularly scheduled virtual family get-togethers are fun and keep the familial bonds knit together. My husband has been texting the older grandchildren with fun facts, this day in history, or a family history tidbit without any expectation of a response. They love it and miss it when he skips a few days.
One of the strategies we are trying out is “barnstorming”. For us, barnstorming means scheduling a time in the middle of the week, letting your child know you will be over at dinner time with a pizza (or any other simple food items (it’s not about the food) to eat together, and helping them with dinner. We also plan to tell them that it is not about how the house looks, what the kids are wearing, or any other expectation they think we have. It’s about being together. We won’t stay long, maybe a couple of hours, play a game or two, and go home. We hope to schedule these barnstorming sessions regularly.
Another strategy we have used is to schedule an annual family vacation. It is becoming increasingly difficult to do this, but we try to accommodate dates and schedules far in advance so all of us can get it on the calendar.
Learning what adult children and families are into, whether it is cooking, hiking, gardening, or sporting events, we are committed to engaging in their activities so that we can spend some quality time together. When we finally get together, we are committed to being present and making the most of every moment by turning off technology and focusing on one another.
I am proud of how intentional I was in establishing family traditions when the children were growing up. I knew intuitively that traditions provide a sense of continuity and strengthen familial bonds. I now am witnessing these family traditions being passed on to my grandchildren. That touches my heart.
We are dedicated to supporting the goals of our adult children and grandchildren by showing interest in their passions and life paths and encouraging them to pursue their dreams. Celebrating their achievements and milestones and being supportive during challenges are part of our goal to serve and contribute to their well-being. In doing all this, we must respect their boundaries. While it’s important to stay connected with our adult children, we are committed to trusting their judgment, space, and autonomy. Gone are the days of lingering. We must adapt to connect. joneen@narme.org