Shortly after my son was born, a childless friend asked me what I’d learned from being a new mother that I wouldn’t have learned if I’d never had a child. I was still at the “what just happened” stage of motherhood so I had to think. I finally said I thought motherhood was teaching me patience. She looked puzzled and said, “No it’s not.” Then she laughed. I laughed too, but not as enthusiastically.
My son grew up and left home long ago and I still haven’t learned patience. But I did learn some things being a mom. And in honor of Mother’s Day, which is May 11, I’m going to share some of my lessons.
By the time he was a toddler, I’d learned how to pick the lock on our bathroom door. I’d learned the location of every public restroom within 25 miles of our home. And I’d learned that a ketchup packet gets approximately five feet of coverage in a fast-food restaurant if it’s stomped on hard enough.
By the time he was in middle school, I’d learned that buying a child a hamster won’t keep him from wanting a dog. And that if you give a child an allowance, you can borrow money from him later. And that I should keep a list of the children I purchased fundraising products from because their parents were excellent prospects when my son had something to sell.
And by the time he was a teenager, I’d learned that I needed to buy two gallons of milk every time I went to the grocery store. And that getting a child a canary won’t keep him from wanting a dog either. And that of all the professions that require patience and diplomacy, driver’s education teacher is right up there with daycare provider and hostage negotiator.
I bet my childless friend didn’t know any of those things. Granted she didn’t need to. And now that my son is grown, I don’t need to either. But some of the lessons I learned continue to be useful. For example, motherhood taught me to be adaptable. Before I became a mom, I kept a very clean house. Well…kind of a clean house. By the time my son was in first grade, I could step over a pile of rubbish on the floor without so much as a glance back. He’s now 29 and I’m proud to say I still can. Some people might say I’ve lowered my standards. I say I’ve adapted.
Motherhood taught me to worry less. Not really. But it did teach me to worry effectively. I worried about a lot of things when my son was growing up and ta-da! None of them happened. See. It worked. On the other hand, a few things I didn’t have the foresight to worry about did happen. Clearly I still need practice so I continue to work on this skill a little each day.
And finally, motherhood taught me to keep my mouth shut. Or at least, it taught me that sometimes it would be best if I did. From the first time they spit baby food back in our faces, our children are demonstrating that they have minds of their own. But somehow some of us—me—still think they’ll grow up to see and do things our way because, well, we’re right.
My own mother raised 10 children. You may not believe this, but she never once criticized any of her grown children even though some of them gave her plenty to criticize. Not me, but some of them. I didn’t realize how hard that must have been until I saw my son’s first apartment after he left home. It was all I could do not to say, “I hope you’re not planning to get your deposit back.” I’m proud to say I kept my mouth shut and our visit was much happier because of it.