Technology is changing my behavior in embarrassing ways. More than once I’ve tried swiping photos in a photo album like I do on my phone. It doesn’t work. And I’ve caught myself wanting to rewind a news story on the radio like I do podcasts and television shows. That doesn’t work either, at least on my radio.
Even more embarrassing, today I left a voicemail message for a friend that went something like this: “Hope you’re having a wonderful day exclamation point. Call me period.” Yes I spoke the punctuation marks on a phone message. And it’s not the first time I’ve done it either.
You understand how that could happen if your phone has voice-to-text capability and you use it as often as I do. If you don’t let me explain. The voice-to-text function is exactly what it sounds like. You say what you want in your text and include the punctuation marks and it types it right up. And before you know it you’re leaving phone messages like the one I left. And you’re running into friends on the street and saying, “Hi exclamation point. How are you question mark
Old-fashioned texting—you know—when we let our thumbs do the talking—is dangerous enough exclamation point. See how I did that question mark.
It relies on that itsy-bitsy, very sensitive keyboard. It’s easy to hit the wrong letters. And even when you hit the right ones, the autocorrect may decide that instead of okey dokey you wanted to say okay donkey and instead of hors d’oeuvres you must mean horse divorce. And it’s embarrassing to thank someone for their friendship and have the text say, “thank you for your fried shrimp.”
But the voice-to-text function is even more dangerous. Maybe it doesn’t understand jargon, accents and dialects or maybe I’m just marble mouthed. Whatever the case, it misquotes me pretty often. Like when I was voice texting about an upcoming airline flight. I mentioned my “carry on,” as in luggage, but it typed “carrion,” as in the decaying flesh of dead animals. And I don’t think I should take that on the plane.
I once voice texted someone, “I like my way better.” But the message read, “I like my weight better,” which was kind of mean. Also a lie.
And sometimes I use voice-to-text when the news is on, which is why in the middle of a benign text about lunch plans or a birthday party there could be a few words about a political scandal or a measles outbreak.
I’ve also been known to voice a text when someone near me is talking which explains how I can send a text with the words, “get off your phone” in the middle of it.
None of this would be problematic if I read my texts before I hit send. But, whether I text with my thumbs or the voice recognition function, I have a peculiar tendency to read texts after I’ve sent them which is as useful as putting the lid on after you’ve spilled the beans.
On the bright side, the receiver of my message doesn’t have to wait long for me to text my apologies for any swear words or insults I’ve inadvertently texted. Or my corrections of any misinformation I’ve sent them. I won’t repeat the swear words. But as for misinformation, I’ll admit that I once texted someone I’d see her at 2, but the message read “I’ll see you at zoo.” Thank goodness we don’t have a zoo. If we did she might still be waiting for me exclamation point.
Dorothy Rosby is the author of I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better and other books. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.